Sunday, September 28, 2014

The Gift of Forgiveness and Healing

If I wrote this post right after the accident, it would start with ‘why!why!why!’ or ‘life is so unfair.’Full of questions and negativity.

But that’s not how this post will run now. That’s not how I view the accident,in retrospect. We've moved on and looking at the bright side.

The gruesome accident involved my son Sam who accidentally punctured his left eye with a metal headband (he was playing alone and got hold of his Ate’s headband) and damaged part of his iris. It took the doctors almost 3 hours to save his eye. 

It was the most grueling 3 hours of my life and I didn't know then which hurt more – the waiting during the operation or being at the OR before the procedure to see my son being sedated prior to operation. At one point it was very thoughtful of the doctors to let me in the operating room because they wanted Sam to see me before he got knocked out by the meds so I immediately agreed but I wasn't prepared emotionally to see the prep procedure. I tried to remain strong and held back my tears for my son.

As the operation went on, I sat alone inside the hospital’s chapel and prayed while my husband waited inside the room waiting for news of the procedure. The amount of tears, the heart-wrenching pain we had to endure as a family, all the agony, it was so surreal and yet so real. As much I wished it was all a bad dream, it wasn’t. I thought I’ll go crazy! 

I prayed for my son’s safety, to bless the doctors who were operating on him, to provide our family with strength, with guidance and with humility to accept whatever He has planned for us.

I just had to ask why although I know we should never question the Lord but I pray for his understanding at that point. A mom who loves his children more than life itself was going through the most traumatic experience. I knew he understood me and heard my plea. 

In between my bouts of cries, I heard this message and it was spot on: 
‘Do not worry about Sam, I will take care of him. I promise you he will be okay. You must never worry and trust that I will take care of everything.’ Just like the sun on a summer sky, the message (and the voice) was clear and it was the most consoling words I heard. God never fails to give refuge to sorrowful hearts. 

Inner turmoil was another hurdle I had to overcome.

After our almost 1 week stay in the hospital after the operation, I took another week off from work to personally take care of him as he continued to recuperate. I was critical over so many things, overly critical if I may say so.  I was critical of the kids’ activities (Sam can’t jump, run, carry heavy things or any strenuous activity), of the things at home that may cause anymore danger even if it doesn't look it (who would've thought an innocent headband can do that to the eye) and most especially of the people who I entrusted to take care of the children while my husband and I work. I was full of criticisms, anger and distrust of anything, of anyone. I was more traumatized than my son, I think.

I was full of negativity but I knew I had to fight it. It was starting to consume me.

I read through chapters of the Bible and pages of devotional books hoping to find guidance and solace. To find the strength to forgive and to move on. Then His message came one day: 

‘If you seek complete healing for your son, you need to be able to forgive. Forgive the people around you and forgive yourself. With anger comes negativity and you must never allow these two in your home. You need to forgive in order to be forgiven, in order to receive the healing’.

The messages I received during those challenging weeks were so to the point and enlightening and I know that I need to obey. There is no other way although it wasn't the easy path.

Sam has regained his eyesight, not yet at 20/20 vision and he’s still on medication. Our regular visits have been cut down from weekly to monthly. He is scheduled for suture removal in the coming weeks which is good news as it means the wound has completely healed. All throughout the process, almost everything was covered by the HMO and medicine allowance provided by our company which another thing to be thankful for. 

God really is a miracle maker and a great provider. If we surrender everything to Him and listen to His message, His will make everything possible for us. 

By now, I can share this story with you. I feel that God has helped us to move on from this traumatic experience. I'm also thankful for the doctors and nurses who took care of Sam. They are the best and made sure my son was well taken care of.  His ophtha doctor Dr. Alejo is the best; so patient, so caring, visiting Sam even on Father's Day. Great thanks also to my family, friends, colleagues who sent messages, gifts and prayers. The simplest text message of encouragement went a long way. 

 I love this quote, it's so apt. 

p.s. pardon the long absence, you see my hands are full the past months. Hope the next blog post won't be 4 months from now :)

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