A Mommy Worries

I’m sleep-deprived and busy taking care of my sick baby for how many days now. My baby boy has been with fever since Monday afternoon. We started giving him Paracetamol but come Wednesday night when his fever reached 39.9degree Celsius we decided to bring him to the hospital already. We got to the FEU ER by midnight and the doctors checked on Sam and took a blood sample from him. This is one of the procedures that I really hate but I know is important to rule out Dengue or any other scary diseases. I’m not the type of mom who prefers to leave the room during these kind of procedures but when the doctor stuck the the needle in search of the right vein, I was silently praying ‘Dear God, please help him find it quick’ because Sam was already crying so hard. I know he was crying so hard because 1) he’s being pinned down and 2) for the needle in his arm, in that order. He doesn’t cry when the doctor checks his ears, his throat or his tummy but when you pin him down he cries so much. They also need a urine sample from him to rule out UTI so we also have to put a wee bag on him which irritated him a lot. He kept crying ‘Mommy’ ‘mommy’ and was pointing to his diaper because he wants it removed.

Come 3:15 am, we finally got blood test result and it showed he has normal platelet count and hemotocrit is normal also. Thank God! No urine sample by that time but we’re really dead tired and wanted to go home so we just signed a document with a promise to be back as soon as the specimen is available. Anyway, the urine test showed normal result also so the verdict: it's viral. Super thank you God!

You see, we just came from the ER last week because of Sam’s diarrhea (something he ate or drank at a restaurant). He was given antibiotic for a week then we were instructed to go back Tuesday or Wednesday for follow up check. We were definitely back but for a different reason this time.

I don’t know if I already shared this here but my little boy is really one of my greatest worries because he is more of the fragile and susceptible to illness. He was diagnosed with high bilirubin level or what we normally call jaundice when he was born. Although jaundice is normal to new borns (since their liver is not yet functioning at optimum level), his case was somehow beyond normal level,thus, we stayed in the hospital another few days after I gave birth. They had to put him under phototherapy treatment (ultraviolet and infrared) which they setup in our room for 24hrs. I had to pump my milk because, ideally, he doesn’t have to get off the light even for milk. My husband and I alternately looked after him and made sure he doesn’t remove his eye cover (so as not to damage his eyes) and that he was turned every now and then for his body to get even exposure to the light. It was difficult for me that we had to turn him on his stomach because he was a day old then and he may find it hard to breath so I watched him like a hawk even if I’m tired myself from giving birth. What’s extremely difficult for me is the acceptance of the situation. Being a mom, we always wish the best for our kids but when trials like this come our way, my initial reaction is to blame myself and question myself why situations like these happen. I was asking God for forgiveness and mercy the whole time I was in the hospital. Thankfully, after the phototherapy session they took another test on him and his condition improved. The morning sun is enough follow through medication for him.

during  the phototherapy session at Manila Doctors Hosp.

At one month old, he developed a skin disorder called dermatitis. When I observed him for several weeks, I realized that exposure to pollen and dust triggers the allergy. The doctor said that if an allergy like this doesn’t go away after a couple of years, it may develop into full blown asthma. Another scary scenario for me. He was under steroid medication for a couple of weeks and lots of creams for months and months. All stuffed toys and linens that may trigger his allergy were stashed away and we can’t bring him to the playground L We also had to make sure he doesn’t scratch his face so as not to worsen his sometimes crusty red face. With God’s grace, he was given a gift of healing by the time he turned one. He can now play with any stuff toy he wants or go to the playground anytime there’s a good weather.

I guess the last and most difficult for me as a mom was when both my kids were diagnosed with Primary Complex. This is basically TB in kids. Sam, being the more fragile and younger (I guess) of the two, got Pneumonia which is, according to the doctor, an onset / effect of PC. They got it from their yaya. I was so devastated when I found out about this that I was thinking of quitting work and just take care of my kids myself. However, people around me who knew how I love my career and that how much we need the perks from my job now more than ever discouraged me on this option. My mom and my boss who is also a mom were my constant advisers and guides during this time. Apart from them, I found it difficult to share at first to my other friends but eventually I was able to accept that something like this may become a part of motherhood. I somehow opened up to some other friends. I thank them for their support and encouragement. By sharing also I realized how many other parents have gone through this phase since this is quite common in our country. The treatment took 6months which is the minimum treatment for PC and it was a really a trying 6months because we have to make sure they take their medication every single day and we have monitor their weight gain because during their PC stage, their appetite diminished and lost several pounds. This is one reason I’m glad I kept my job - the hospital bills, checkups and medication were covered by my company benefits. Our yaya, maybe out of guilt, decided to go back home no matter how much we tried to let her stay (she was a good yaya anyway). We were worried that she will not take medication and just let it be, that’s dangerous for her. One friend suggested that, in the future, maybe it’s better to let the helpers undergo medical checkup before we accept them. This is also a good suggestion but the problem is, if they’re already under our employment, we can't really dictate where they go or who they interact with on their day off. I can’t let them take the xray test every after day off. Maybe a quarterly check up is necessary,though. 

Sam at 2 months

When I found out I was pregnant with a boy, I remember my very first prayer to God was that He makes me a mother who is fair and just to my two kids. A mother who will provide equal nurturing, discipline, compassion and love to my two kids. I adore my 1st born to the hilt and I was happy then with just a little girl. Then, I got pregnant again and my first worry was that I may not be able to love him as much as I love my princess. But God has a way of making things work for all of us and I guess this is His way of saying ' you will never miss this little guy, he will keep you busy' (or that's just my interpretation of the situations). In a nutshell, I'm happy and thankful that Sam is generally a healthy boy. He was able to surpass all medical conditions he went through and remained a happy and smart little boy. I love him with all my life as much as I love my little girl.